2021.10.25 00:44 notwendy3 I literally can’t.
I literally cannot accept and “get over” or learn to “live happily” with the fact that I was never beautiful and never will be. I feel like I’ve been cheated. I’ve been the ugly black sheep my entire life (school, social circles, family, close friends to me who always seemed to favor others), church, workplaces, maternally, even in medical situations I feel like in tagged in a negative light.
I look at myself. I think of the realistic outcome of losing weight again. Ew. There’s no win. I never even got to be beautiful in my youth. And now I’m old, used up, doomed to lonely misery.
CBH is a bunch of dishonest slogans that do nothing for me. Nothing distracts me from the fact im hideous.
submitted by notwendy3 to BingeEatingDisorder [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 Suspicious-Nail-949 I Work for a Special Division of the FBI: Nothing is Ever Easy
May 7th, 2002
I’ve been away from work for about a month now, unfortunately my leg prevented me from going ‘somewhere nice’ as my superior suggested, but I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. I’ve kept in contact with Scarlett, and I’ve made a few excursions to an establishment for the supernatural, but other than that, it’s been very boring.
My leg is well on its way to becoming fully healed, as of recently I’ve been able to get around with a crutch. However, it’s a bit painful, so I’ve been mostly homebound.
I’ve just about had enough of this boredom, though. There’s only so many Friends reruns one can hypothetically watch, and I think I’ve just about hit that number, so earlier this morning I finally cracked and gave my superior, Carmen Clay, a call. She was happy to hear from me, and even happier when I told her I thought I was ready to return to work.
I told her I couldn’t get around without a crutch, but she said that wouldn’t be a problem. She told me she’d look for an easy reconnaissance case that wouldn’t require much mobility and get back to me. I figured it’d be later that week at the earliest, and settled myself in for some more TV.
Much to my surprise, about ten minutes after the initial conversation, she called me back and told me she’d already found a case. I was surprised, but in a good way, and I told her I was happy to be back.
Along with some other minor details, Carmen told me that Scarlett would be informed of the mission and accompany me on it. I’d expected that, the branch emphasizes loyalty to one’s partner above all else, so it would’ve been surprising to have been reassigned.
The case was south of both me and Scarlett, so Carmen said she’d send a driver to take us straight there without wasting time stopping at headquarters.
Clay had said she would tell Scarlett about the case, but I figured I’d give her a call anyway since it had been around a week since we last spoke.
I dialed her number and she picked up straight away. “Hello,” She said.
“Scarlett, it’s Dexter.” I replied. “Did you get the message?”
“From Clay? Yeah.” She told me. “Nice to hear you finally got the guts to get us back in there,”
I rolled my eyes. “If you hadn’t, you know, shot me, maybe I would never have had to left,”
“...And maybe if you hadn’t tried to turn me into a zombie, I would never have had to shoot you.” She retorted. “I could do this all day.”
“Alright, alright,” I surrendered, smiling slightly. “All I was calling you about was the mission. Clay said she was going to get us a walk in the park, something that wouldn’t aggravate my leg too much.”
“That’s what they said about Rhion Global,” She pointed out. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”
“Fair point.” I replied.
“Yeah, and I don’t want your bum leg to be the death of me, so you had better be in tip-top shape right now.” She added. “If I get killed because you’re limping along at half speed, I will be very displeased.”
“Duly noted,” I told her. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Yup.” She said with a chuckle, and hung up.
I showered and changed quickly, and by the time I had finished getting ready, the driver had arrived.
The car they sent was the same type of bureau car we’d been assigned on our last mission, as most of the branch’s cars were, and it was waiting outside my house when I stepped outside, straightening my tie.
“Hello!” I said, hobbling down the front steps of my apartment building, though he didn’t roll down the window.
I tugged open the door and slid into the back seat, noticing that the partition separating the driver from the backseat was slid shut.
I opened it as the car began moving and said, “Hey, thanks for coming all the way out here.”
“I have my orders,” He replied.
“Well, I mean…” I began, but I trailed off into silence. Clearly, I thought to myself, Somebody isn’t in the mood to talk.
I slid the divider shut once more and sat back, remaining quiet for the rest of the drive to Scarlett’s house.
She lived, as it turned out, about an hour away from me, which was surprising, as beyond the knowledge that we both were from the Northeast, I had no idea she lived so close to me.
She was waiting outside when we arrived, and as we pulled into her driveway, she climbed down the steps and entered the car, taking a seat next to me.
“Hey, nice to see you,” She said, smiling at me. She glanced at my leg and, with a raised eyebrow, asked, “You’re not walking around with a cane, are you?”
“It helps, alright,” I replied.
“Yeah, if you’re Charlie Chaplin,” She mused. “You’re going to look ridiculous walking around with that.”
“I’d rather look ridiculous walking around with it than not be able to walk around with anything,” I retorted.
“Your choice,” She shrugged, grinning.
“Shut up,” I told her, rolling my eyes as the partition slid back, this time from the driver’s side.
“A message from the Commander,” He said, extending back to us a small device. I took it after exchanging a glance with Scarlett, and he continued. “Watch the video, then return the device to me.”
“He’s not much for conversation,” Scarlett noted after the partition slid back in place. The car began moving once more, and Scarlett said, “Come on, let’s watch the video.”
I pressed the play button below the screen, and held it so that we both could see the display.
A small image of Carmen appeared onscreen and she began speaking. “Agents, first and foremost I’d like to welcome you back to the line of duty. You two are incredibly valuable assets to the branch, and I’m excited what the possibilities are with you two together.
“I apologize for the brevity, but you’re already in Binghamton, which is about a half hour away from your mission’s location, in Susquehanna. It wouldn’t make sense to come all the way back to Port Jervis.
“Regardless, your mission is a fairly easy one. We’ve been seeing some strange energy readings cropping up in Susquehanna, waves that our equipment can’t recognize. It’s most likely some kid messing around with an old ham radio, but procedure says we need to check it out.
“For all intents and purposes, you’re two representatives from National Grid, and you’re performing a routine checkup on local transformers to make sure all is in order. Your disguises and identifications are in the trunk of your car. If you need anything else, just let Peter know. Clay out.”
“What?!” I exclaimed, setting the device down as I sighed. “That’s ridiculous. Peter could do this, we could be out there, you know, helping people.”
“Quit whining,” Scarlett replied. “We’re lucky. This is going to be a breeze, we’ll go in, ask some questions, maybe give some kid a stern talking-to, and get paid.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” I told her. “That’s not why you should be here either. We’re public servants.”
“Public servants have to pay rent just as much as private ones,” She pointed out.
“Return the device when you’ve finished watching the video,” Peter said through the divider.
“Right, sorry,” I apologized, handing him the small rectangle. He slid the door shut once more.
“Whatever, I suppose the sooner we finish this, the sooner we can get back to real work.” I said, shrugging, and Scarlett agreed.
It wasn’t long after that until we arrived in Susquehanna, the town was just down I-81 across the Pennsylvania border, and it was a small town, the same sort of place most supernatural cases took place in.
There was a small shopping plaza to our left when we first entered, it had a few stores in it, and other than that, it was mostly houses, frequently interspersed with trees. It was a rural community, not much to it, it looked like the mission would go off smoothly.
The car came to a stop outside the Susquehanna Fire Department, across the road from the strip mall, and Peter slid the partition back. “I will be staying here, the branch has provided lodging for you at the Holiday Inn on West Main Street, and there is some more gear in your room, gear that wouldn’t trip any suspicions. When you’ve completed your mission, I will return you to the Branch’s headquarters for a debriefing.”
“Ooh, friends, is Peter having a boys’ night out?” I teased.
There was no reply for a moment. Then, “Remove your equipment from the trunk.”
“Sure thing, Pete,” I replied, winking at Scarlett as a smile spread across my face. “Just don’t party too hard, you have to drive us back home.”
We didn’t wait for a reply this time, both getting out of the car in unison. The trunk was open when we came around, and we pulled a set of clothes each off the hook, and removing them revealed a trunk. We each grabbed a handle of it and pulled it out of the car, heaving at its weight.
As soon as we’d cleared it, the trunk swung shut, and Peter pulled off.
“Wow, he’s not even going to drive us to the hotel?” I muttered.
“Your quip must’ve gotten to him,” Scarlett said. “This one’s on you.”
It wasn’t a long walk to the Holiday Inn, it was just across the street, but the trunk was heavy, and we probably looked ridiculous, two people in suits, carrying bright yellow National Guard outfits, lugging a trunk across a fairly busy road. We probably attracted a fair amount of attention, too.
But once we were checked into our room, we were able to change into our disguises and assess the gear situation.
We didn’t have much, which was still probably more than we would need. There were two of each item, a generous measure most likely brought on by the unexpected difficulties we’d faced in our last mission, except for two items, some of the more expensive ones.
Unfortunately, that meant they were probably the more important ones, if we ever ended up needing them.
After changing into the brightly-colored electrical workers’ uniforms, we grabbed clipboards the bureau had provided to amplify the effect, and set off for the first of several transformers.
Peter had apparently completed whatever orders he’d been given as he didn’t appear to drive us anywhere, but the first transformer wasn’t very far so it wasn’t much of a hassle.
After about a five minute walk that took us down a set of power lines, we arrived at the huge metal complex. Now, by this time, we’d definitely begun to attract attention, if only as power company employees coming to fix a problem with the power grid.
A few citizens asked us what was happening, and we explained it away with some meaningless technological nonsense we’d been provided with, and opened the gate in the fence to enter the transformer itself.
I thought it was a bit strange that they left the gate unlocked, but I was too preoccupied with making it through the awkward entrance with my cane.
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” I muttered, flipping the pages on my clipboard until I found the instructions to make sure the transformer wasn’t malfunctioning.
A small crowd had begun to gather, as talk spread quickly in a small town like Susquehanna, and we were poking around their business. People were understandably curious, they wanted to know if they could expect to lose power in the near future.
However, the eyes of the crowd weren’t the only ones keenly directed towards us, and we were about to discover that.
“Everyone, I know you’re all worried, but there is no reason for alarm,” Scarlett said, relaying a prewritten message. “There’s nothing wrong with your town’s power, we’re performing a routine test, it will not take long and won’t affect your electricity.”
The crowd didn’t disperse, but we hadn’t expected it to. It was a boring town, and we were something.
I flipped open the packet and glanced at the first step. “Scarlett, do you have that scanner?” I called out after reading the instructions. “Turn it on, see what it says.”
She obliged, and when the small device activated, her brow furrowed, and she began glancing around.
“What is it?” I asked.
“The reading’s maxed out,” She replied.
“So what does that mean?” I said, looking briefly at the seemingly normal transformer.
“It either means that there’s enough energy running through this transformer to power America, or something else is going on here.” She told me, her hand instinctively drifting to her armpit holster, where a loaded pistol awaited.
We began to perform a search of the complicated facility while, unbeknownst to us, a hooded man began to make his way through the crowd. He kept his head down, not interacting with anyone, and as the crowd grew denser closer to the transformer, he began to push his way through.
“Hey, what are you doing?” A man asked when the stranger knocked into him on his way to the front, but he didn’t even bother to turn around. The annoyed man continued. “Come on, man, what’s your problem?”
It wasn’t until he reached out and grabbed the hooded man’s shoulder that he got a reaction. The man whipped around, in the same motion firmly grasping his wrist.
“Woah, woah,” The man said, attempting to retreat, but it was too late. Without a word, the hooded man dragged him closer, and a burning yellow light began to glow in his eyes. “Hey, what’s going on!?”
That’s when we noticed the commotion. We turned around just in time to see a brilliant flash of yellow light, the following shockwave knocking Scarlett and I to the ground and sending those standing closest to the hooded man flying into the air, landing several feet away, slumped unconscious.
Scarlett and I scrambled for our weapons, but the man began walking slowly towards us, not stopping when he reached the fence, simply walking through it. A hole shaped like his outline was left behind, the edges of the chain links glowing orange and dripping molten metal once he passed through.
When he reached Scarlett and I, he knelt down, his face still obscured in the shadow of his hood, but two yellow orbs glowered out of the darkness at us. He said just three words: “Leave. Me. Alone.”
Then, there was another flash of light, and the man vanished, leaving a scorched area on the ground where he had stood.
Still trying to catch my breath, I looked over to Scarlett. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say something else is going on here.”
And then, just as we thought it was over, a loud zap emitted from the transformer behind us, and the hum of electricity ceased. The town’s power had been killed.
submitted by Suspicious-Nail-949 to LighthouseHorror [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 CrazyDudeWithATablet Need helping choosing an ssd
I’m looking for an ssd. Specifically one for games. I just found quite the array of options, and I need help choosing. (All currency in usd and all forces are 1 tb). I only have one pcie 3.0 slot remaining.
Wd sn750-119.99 Crucial p5-119.99 Sandisk extreme PRO-129.99 Samsung 970 EVO plus-139.99 Crucial p2-83.99 Samsung 980-119.99
What difference does dram make? That’s seems to be the biggest difference between some of these.
Thank you very much!
submitted by CrazyDudeWithATablet to buildapc [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 Maximum-Quit-1247 Lonely student living off-campus: should I DM freshman students to make friends?
I’m currently an international student (freshman) living off-campus. I’m almost two months in, and I barely have any friends. I feel super lonely and depressed, I honestly don’t know what to do.
At the beginning of the semester, I hung out with a group of friends but I quickly realized we don’t have a common ground. They quickly picked up on it and stopped inviting me to their hangouts. Even when I suggested to do things like hiking, they’d completely dismiss me. I feel super lonely seeing them meet new people everyday, living the dorm experience. And before you say it, I tried getting to know students in my classes but that’s the only time we talk and though they’re sweet, they don’t seem interested to hang out. I’ve also joined a club but haven’t found luck yet; most of the people I met were sophomores who have already formed their social circles.
I’ve been occasionally hanging out with my sisters friends but they’re graduating soon anyway, and it doesn’t help my loneliness either. I hear them recalling instances of their freshman year, the funny encounters, and it saddens me that I don’t have any stories to tell (sorry if this sounds cheesy). Now halloween is soon, their schedules are packed with parties, and i’m embarrassed to say that i don’t have any plans or someone to hang out with.
I wish I could live off campus but I don't want to overwhelm my father with the dorm fees + tuition fees.
I found some cool freshman students on instagram that I feel like I’d get along with and thought of dming them and telling them that I live off campus so I’ve been trying to meet new people. I feel like now is the perfect chance since we’re only 2 months in but I don’t want to come off as creepy. I’ve told my sister the idea and she called me lame for it, and that we should at least have something in common. I honestly don’t know how to go on about it, and as embarrassing as it sounds, I’m desperate for friends. I don’t want to spend the next 4 years of my life like this. There are just so many things I want to do but I don’t have friends to do it with and it just depresses me.
submitted by Maximum-Quit-1247 to lonely [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 SammyMae95 Cried more than I have in a while
Last night, I got off work early as we didn't need me for most of the evening shift. I got home and I just felt so..empty. but also this never ending ache in my stomach and heart because I've only been able to recently begin accepting what happened to me. And I cried. For so long. My SO - who knows about it, but also struggles with the anger he gets at what happened to me and so I avoid talking with him about it - came over and just held me as I sobbed. I appreciated what he did so much. There isn't much more to say except that I'm struggling with my loving forward but I'm trying really hard.
submitted by SammyMae95 to sexualassault [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 What_The_Hex Is there a way, inside of the Command Prompt, to clear the RAM usage of an active program without closing it?
This slowly starts to just tax the Memory usage, to the point that I look in the Task Manager, and the Memory usage of Photoshop is just off the charts; like, as high as it can go, and the computer as well as the actions being performed inside of Photoshop itself just absolutely groan to a halt.
I've tried purging the memory/cache inside of Photoshop, but this doesn't work. The only thing I've seen for sure that solves the problem is exiting Photoshop, then ending the task inside of the Task Manager.
However it's super inefficient, after each batch is completed, to quit the program, end the task, then re-start it up again -- especially considering that this process is performed on dozens of images in a given session.
So what I'm wondering is: Is there some way, inside of the Command Prompt, to basically say: "I want to clear all of the memory/RAM that's being used by this app right now -- but not close the app itself"?
Not a task kill, but more like a -- kill the memory being used/stored by the task?
submitted by What_The_Hex to commandline [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 MichaelJay927 Caption this
|submitted by MichaelJay927 to EDP445 [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 QuintupIet Is there a colored version for this?
|submitted by QuintupIet to swordartonline [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 derkimster Drought-Stricken California Doused by Major Storm
|submitted by derkimster to CaliforniaDisasters [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 viktoria_ts How do I get first job as a Python Software Developer?
Hello after taking a few courses in Python, I started learning Django on my own. I want to start my first job as a Python developer, so I am interesting in your tips, what else do you recommend to learn before applying for jobs and where to look for jobs for beginner developers. Thank you in advance.
submitted by viktoria_ts to learnpython [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 Pure-Body8414 Sino interested?pm me
|submitted by Pure-Body8414 to freshpinays [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 DestielDeservedMore I wish for top surgery
2021.10.25 00:44 ROK-2006 Comment something here and every up/downvote your comment get=1pushup
2021.10.25 00:44 adkmac Anybody else dislike the end of Zach Bryan’s Condemned on the album DeAnn?
The part where it breaks into him laughing. I feel like it undermines the emotions the entire song is trying to convey. Am I the only one? Am I getting the wrong message out of the song?
submitted by adkmac to CountryMusicStuff [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 Figuringitout-_- Thoughts on the last scene with Ali and his father? With Bev a few feet away? Two different religions?
2021.10.25 00:44 UberMisty82 WealthSimple Trade Referral - 📈 New users get 2 stocks ($5 to $4500) sign up bonus. Start Trading Stocks or Crypto! 🚀
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submitted by UberMisty82 to referralcodes [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 mayaluciia What are some “crazy” music & film industry conspiracy theories that you could actually get behind?
2021.10.25 00:44 errbodiesmad I'm retiring
Most of you probably don't care, the rest of you hate me, but I'm gonna go ahead and uninstall at this point. Feels like we're the last ones hanging on to an old memory.
It's all noobs, trolls, or try hards. There are only two outcomes to a match > Steamroll or be steamrolled. The game is no longer fun for me.
I hope that one day the game can be what it once was, but we all know it's not gonna happen. Been 1.5 years and they didn't even finish the shitty CE version they said they would.
It was nice playing with you all.
submitted by errbodiesmad to vainglorygame [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 SlyC123 Gambling is not your friend
As an introvert, gambling can seem like a nice way to send your nights. It can feel fun, exciting, and makes you feel like you accomplished something if you make some money. I don’t have that many friends and sometimes going out just seems so exhausting. Because of this I’ve sometimes thought, well if no ones going to be here for me, the roulette wheel or the poker table will be here for me. But that is all just a lie.
Gambling is not your friend. It is not something that will be there for you. It might trick u into thinking it’s your friend when you make a descent amount. But gambling is like a con artist. It tricks u into thinking it’s there for u until it gets what it wants out u and then leaves u in the dust. In fact, gambling is your worst enemy. It makes u think that u can trust it until it takes all of your money and leaves you with nothing.
The winter will be tough to get thru as I hate going out when it’s cold, and sometimes online gambling can seem like more of a fun activity than having to except any energy at a social gathering. But I’m going to try to just fill up my time just relaxing and doing something that will make me feel fulfilled.
submitted by SlyC123 to problemgambling [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 Metaquux Thousands of "ERROR instructionFile bad_param_missing" errors in backblaze
For the last couple of weeks, backblaze has either not be backing up (or has been doing so at such a glacial pace that it makes no difference). At this point there is >1TB of data that hasn't been backed up. I thought i would give this time to clear up in case it was a server-side problem, but nothing has improved in that time.
Checking the logs i can see thousands of error lines like either:
20211025025806 - About to async run bztransmit -threadpush processid=7888 with cmd: "C:\Program Files (x86)\Backblaze\x64\bztrans64_thread02.exe" -threadpush "C:\ProgramData\Backblaze\bzdata\bzthread\bzt_02_20211025025806_instru_7888_00052_bzt.xml" 20211025025806 - WARNING: PodParcelCompletedDelivery_ProcessResults (processId=7888) - U_A http post res IS_NOT 200, and the POST returned nothing (empty XML), globalNumThreads=4 20211025025806 - ERROR: PodParcelCompletedDelivery_ProcessResults_0 (processId=7888) - http_post_file_A_chunk failed (not res=200, errStr=FALSE_NOFALLBACK_STATUS_0_0:error_instruction_file_bad_param_missing_in_thread_instruction: fallback_url) - for large_file_chunk_A containing totBytes=10463162, returned xml_post_reason=no_xml_returned, bz_batch_file_guid=4_h2c94d927ef0680f072160e13_f00000000017aac3d_d20211025_m025805_c000_v0001088_t0054 -url_attempted=https://pod-000-1088-17.backblaze.com/api/upload_to_vault, first_bz_done_line=5 + --- 20211025025805 4_h2c94d927ef0680f072160e13_f00000000017aac3d_d20211025_m025805_c000_v0001088_t0054 u-- 00000000017aa1cd k5_n0008a 037d103c80e563db28c0825754fdb183a4115890 0000017cae592b74 0000017cae59297e cf00000000017aac3d 10485760
20211025025805 - starting bztrans64_thread03 20211025025805 - bztrans64_thread03_processid=6856, my_bztrans64_thread03_version=220.127.116.113, numMBytesStartMemSize=5, called with args: arg1=-threadpush arg2=C:\ProgramData\Backblaze\bzdata\bzthread\bzt_03_20211025025805_instru_7888_00049_bzt.xml 20211025025805 - bztrans64_thread03_processid=6856 - ERROR instructionFile bad_param_missing in
I'm running: 18.104.22.1683.
Help would be appreciated to figure out what's going wrong here.
submitted by Metaquux to backblaze [link] [comments]
2021.10.25 00:44 zanoo911 Online sources for organic vegan bulk food in Canada
Hi everyone, I get all my food from online stores, but I have yet to find one that specializes in large orders of bulk organic vegan food. You know food that has a long shelf life and takes years to expire. Do you know of any? Here is what I use now:
2021.10.25 00:44 InvisibleFrisby Spent some quality time with my suspension this weekend. SPC adjustable control arms and upper ball joints, Global West Del-A-Lum lower control arm bushings, and After Dark Speed sway bar relocator and hiem end links. New end links arriving this week.
2021.10.25 00:44 erikaitsumi34 Charlotte has five moods
|submitted by erikaitsumi34 to PrincessPrincipal [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 jm9438 Hey guys I’m very new to printing and I’m having an issue with my printer the first layer the filament is very wavy can somebody help me please.
|submitted by jm9438 to 3Dprinting [link] [comments]|
2021.10.25 00:44 htxstr8curious 24 [m4m] katy looking for ass or mouth
Looking to either get sucked or fuck some ass either before, during, or after work. I can't host and can only travel around south Katy. I meet at your place, your work, or your car for a QUICK bit of fun.
Be clean, ddf, neg, and vaxxed. Also hwp. Send me a message or chat.
submitted by htxstr8curious to houstonr4r [link] [comments]